I hate to admit it but I am pretty terrible at managing my freezer.
I'd love to sit here and tell all y'all that every fall I go halvsies on a hog and that I only buy meat on sale and then transfer it into freezer paper wrapped parcels that are properly labeled with date and contents, but I'd be lying,
Even more than usual.
This is what my freezer really looks like: lots of Market Basket brand tortellini (dinner in 8 minutes) and Market Basket brand frozen vegetables ($.99 a pound, baby) and name brand veggie burgers (but only because Market Basket doesn't have their own house brand veggie burgers, yet) and half loaves of bread I buy at Market Basket.
Doesn't it all just look so inspiring?
The other night I needed to supplement an especially meager dinner --canned soup and a skimpy salad--so I pulled that pathetic loaf of bread out of the freezer.
It is truly remarkable what some good olive oil, kosher salt and a rub of garlic will do to frozen bread when it spends some time on a hot grill pan....
It was gone so fast that I could barely salvage two slices to photograph.
Hell, you can squint an almost imagine that I am the cook I pretend to be in the newspaper.
Wishing both our readers a wonderful day filled with family, food and all our other favorite F words......
If you'd like to try to make these ridiculously adorable cookies, please visit The Party Animal Blog. They have easy to follow directions With Photos!, and a template. The crazy good edible eyeballs came from Chandler's Cake and Candy Supply.
At 24 for less than a dollar, we might just anthropomorphize everything we cook!
So...yesterday I headed out with my list and my reusable shopping totes to do the big Turkey Day shop at 6:53 am.
When I got to the egg aisle I was pleasantly surprised to find that the cage free eggs were 18 for $1.99--not a whole heck of a lot more than the regular eggs--and certainly reasonable enough to be worth rewarding a chicken farmer who is kind to his peeps--so I loaded a couple of these into my cart.
I was a tinch annoyed that the cage free eggs were in plastic instead of cardboard, but bought them anyway. 7:05 on the Sunday before Thanksgiving is not the time to ponder the relative merits of plastic egg cartons versus cramped chickens. It's a time to power through my giant list and get home before I run into someone I know while I am out in public looking like a homeless person--an especially pathetic homeless person without access to makeup remover.
Anyway I got home and as I was unpacking the bags the fricken egg box sort of bent/crumpled in my hand and 6 of the eggs smashed on the kitchen floor.
Which just goes to show you that no good deed goes unpunished. Besides, how cramped up can those chickens be if they can still squeeze out an egg?
When Wes Anderson's movie The Royal Tennenbaums came out I was Gwyneth's biggest fan. I loved Margot, the brilliant, tortured, mink-wearing wife of Bill Murray and I'm still not sure which of her quirks--racoony eyeliner or denial of her chain smoking-- is my favorite.
Somehow Gwyneth went bad.
I blame Madonna. Why do our best blondes have to go to London and get weird?
Have you seen Gwyneth's loathesome website? Mothers don't feel bad enough about the compromises we make every day--we need an underfed, overpaid actress with two spare hours every day to work out, and probably 3 nannies in heavy rotation, to tell us what we are doing wrong.
Thanks Gwennie!
Sure I'm bitter, but get a load of this website and see if you don't agree: Goop
She's also some sort of fashion icon: I'm not sure when this was taken but I'm fairly certain it wasn't on Halloween:
You know, sometimes I don't have the right shoe/sock combi on when I head to the dressing room at Marshalls, but I nearly always seem to remember not to recreate the yoga class footwear look when I head out for a night on the town.
So when this week's episode of Glee came on and it became obvi she was going to be the guest star, I nearly shut off the teevee and went to bed.
And when the opening strains of the radio version of F**K You started up, I decided I had to watch the train wreck.
God do I hate it when my narrow minded, snarky snap judgments of people are wrong.
LOVED this episode.
LOVED this version--which just days ago I was complaining about.
And finally,
LOVE Gwyneth.
I might be losing my edge. Good thing Saturday is my last day of double shifts at the brewery for a while.
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
J.K. Rowling is worth every single one of the billion dollars she’s made from the Harry Potter books, movies, action figures, chess sets, jelly beans, board games and 50/50 blend sheet sets she’s sold over the past decade. Anyone who figures out a way to get boys to sit and read nearly 4,000 pages without a single parental bribe deserves to be Oprah rich, and we are happy to have contributed to the effort. Parenthood is filled with surprises but few are as rewarding as discovering that the reason we don’t hear taunting and flesh smacking flesh isn’t that the boys have finally killed each other but because they are engrossed in reading books with big words and long chapters and not a single drawing of a chubby principal wearing his underpants and a cape. The only thing that could possibly have made the Harry Potter books better would have been if Ms. Rowling had worked the multiplication tables into them somehow—Harry Potter and the Nine Times Tables of Doom.
When the first movie came out we were a little sad to think that the wizarding worlds we all had created in our heads were going to be forever changed by Hollywood. We pictured all kinds of tragic casting decisions and cheesy jokes —don’t forget that Hollywood is the place where Jim Carrey turned The Grinch into a nasty pot bellied dog and that odd little Haley Joel Osment made a career out of playing robotic children who see dead people. We’ll admit we came around a bit when we heard that Ralph Fiennes had been cast as Voldemort. Now there’s a dark lord a gal could worship. It’s no wonder Belllatrix leStrange is completely crazy; being that close to Mr. Oh So Fiennes would send us straight around the bend too. Heck, he even looks good with a slitty little snake nose.
It’s not just the eye candy that has us reserving our tickets for Friday night’s opening of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part One. We are headed to the theatre to get another look at all the magical gizmos that J.K. Rowling dreamed up as she sat in a coffee shop writing books and staving off financial disaster. OK maybe a Nimbus 2000 wouldn’t be all that helpful—what with all the groceries and kids we schlepp around town, but every book seemed to have some nifty little device that would change our muggly little lives for the better.
How about a Marauders’ Map? Imagine how much easier life would be if we could unfurl a piece of parchment and know that no one was lollygagging on the way home from school, or that it was safe to head into the downtown Market Basket without running into that neighbor whose choices you mocked maybe a bit too much on election day. And if we could get the 2.0 version that will also track the location of car keys, dog leashes and debit cards, well, we’d be as happy as Luna Lovegood.
We realize that cloaks of invisibility might be a reach, so we’d be willing to settle for a simple Invisibility Booster like the one Mr. Weasley installed in his flying Ford. A tap on the button on the dash and the car and all its contents were simply disappeared. This feature would be invaluable on the exceedingly rare occasion when one of the Fru Gals steps a little too hard on the gas pedal. It would also help us not look so crazy on those nights when we feel compelled to drive by a house party 30 or 40 times in an effort to see if our teens are participating in any funny business. For the time being we are ignoring our childrens' sarcastic suggestion to have Invisibility Boosters installed on our foreheads so they could make us disappear.
What Mom couldn’t use a Time Turner like the one Hermoine used to attend two classes at the same time? We’re not so much interested in our education as our reputation. If we could put a few minutes back on the clock we’d no longer be the last parent to pick up form sports practices, birthday parties and dance rehearsals. Robin would like to rewind on the rare occasion her husband actually admits she is right so she could hear it a second or tenth time. Suzanne figures she might spend less time with her foot in her mouth if she could go back to the moment right before she opens it.
Since the sky is the limit here in Fru Gal Fantasy land, how about one of those tents that the Weasleys bring to the Quidditch World Cup? Looks like a simple pup tent on the outside, but step inside and there were spacious rooms, a full kitchen and a real bathroom. We might actually consider camping under such circumstances. Might.
And last on our list would be one of those Quick Quotes Quills that Rita Skeeter used to interview Harry. Sure the QQQ tended to exaggerate and yes some of the descriptions were a little overblown, but if you’ve read more than one of these columns, you know that we tend to be a little dramatic. Remember that we are the ones that suggested you make and serve Chickpea Burritos to your family.
Our favorite character in the Harry Potter books is Mrs. Weasley. How could we not identify with a woman with a loving husband, a whole bunch of bright and funny children and a house that is teetering on the brink of collapse? She always manages gets dinner on the table, no matter how many death eaters are circling outside nor how many hungry wizards pop out of the fireplace at suppertime.
This recipe is based on a 1950s classic and seems like the kind of thing you might find on the Weasley’s long and welcoming table. Feel free to use any sort of left over protein you like, just keep the pieces bite sized. The eggs and whole milk make it creamy and the long cooking time means you can pop it in the oven and head out to do the carpool, even without a time turner.
Mrs. Weasley’s Noodle Pie Serves 8 generously 2 tablespoons unsalted butter, room temperature 1 pound thick spaghetti 6 large eggs, lightly beaten 1 cup whole milk or half and half 4 cups shredded mozzarella 2 cups cooked chicken, shredded 1 cup cooked ham or sausage, cut into small chunks 2 cups frozen peas, rinsed in hot water to thaw slightly Handful of fresh parsley, roughly chopped ½ teaspoon kosher salt ½ teaspoon freshly ground black pepper Directions 1. Preheat oven to 375 degrees with rack in center. Generously butter a 10-inch-by-3-inch spring form or regular cake pan. Line the bottom with parchment paper or foil and set aside. 2. Bring a large pot of salted water to a boil and cook the spaghetti according to package directions just until al dente. 3. Meanwhile, combine eggs, mozzarella, chicken, ham, peas, milk, parsley, salt, and pepper in a large bowl. Stir to combine. Drain spaghetti, and add to the egg-and-cheese mixture; stir well. Pour mixture into prepared pan, and cover with aluminum foil. 4. Bake for 40 minutes. Remove foil, and bake until lightly browned and crisp on top, 20 minutes more. 5. Transfer to a rack to cool, about 10 minutes. Run a knife around the edge, and unmold, removing parchment. Cut into wedges, and serve hot.
Looking for something special to give to all your lady friends this holiday season?
Look no further than this wine glass, which sensibly holds a full bottle of wine.
More stylish than a fish bowl, and when your DH comes home and wonders why there is no dinner and you are lying on the sofa with a bag of chips and the kids are eating cereal out of the box, you'll be able to say with a tone of pure condescension,
Drunk?
Me?
What are you talking about, I only had ONE glass of wine.
Robin hates cursing. Almost as much as she hates alcohol.
How have we made it this far without breaking up?
This song has been going through my head ever since I heard the wretched radio version yesterday on my way to work.
The original is, hands down, down my favorite song ever in the history of the world.
Here are the lyrics, which are equally as charming as they are profane...
Fuck You
(Chorus) I see you driving 'round town With the girl I love and I'm like, Fuck you! Oo, oo, ooo I guess the change in my pocket Wasn't enough I'm like, Fuck you! And fuck her too! I said, if I was richer, I'd still be with ya Ha, now ain't that some shit? (ain't that some shit?) And although there's pain in my chest I still wish you the best with a... Fuck you! Oo, oo, ooo
Yeah I'm sorry, I can't afford a ferrari, But that don't mean I can't get you there. I guess he's an xbox and I'm more atari, But the way you play your game ain't fair.
I pity the fool that falls in love with you (oh shit she's a gold digger) Well (just thought you should know nigga) Ooooooh I've got some news for you Yeah go run and tell your little boyfriend
(chorus)
Now i know, that I had to borrow, Beg and steal and lie and cheat. Trying to keep ya, trying to please ya. 'Cause being in love with you ass ain't cheap.
I pity the fool that falls in love with you (oh shit she's a gold digger) Well (just thought you should know nigga) Ooooooh
I've got some news for you I really hate yo ass right now (chorus)
Now baby, baby, baby, why d'you wanna wanna hurt me so bad?
(so bad, so bad, so bad) I tried to tell my mamma but she told me "this is one for your dad" (your dad, your dad, your dad) Uh! Whhhy? Uh! Whhhy? Uh! Whhhy lady? Oh! I love you oh! I still love you. Oooh!
(chorus)
Here's how much I love it:
More than Prince's Little Red Corvette,
More than 10cc's Life is a Minestroni,
More than ELO's Mr. Blue Sky and
And, finally, more than The ENTIRE score of Little Shop of Horrors.
Ha, now ain't that some shit?
It's a combination of the wicked catchy tune, the sassy background singers and the magical way Cee Lo drops the f-bomb.
Also? He kinda looks like the chocolate version of a friend of ours from Hopkinton.
Here's another easy dinner idea that comes from The Matrix!
Easy Jambalaya 10 Servings
Ingredients from The Matrix:
Protein: Shrimp, 1 pound medium, peeled Kielbasa, 1 pound, sliced into coins and then halved, or 1 pound ham, cut into bite-sized pieces Starch: Rice, 2 cups raw white Vegetables: (2) 28 ounce cans stewed tomatoes, 6 celery stalks cut in small dice 1 red bell pepper, roasted and chunked 1/2 a 1 pound bag frozen petite peas Seasoning: 1 bay leaf 3 cloves of garlic,minced Red pepper flakes to taste fresh ground black pepper Liquid: 1 can chicken broth Extras: Texas Pete or other hot sauce, for serving Crusty bread
Cook rice and a bay leaf in a rice cooker or according to package directions. Cover and keep warm. Meanwhile, in a large dutch oven or heavy stock pot brown saute the kielbasa over medium heat until it has browned and released its fat. Add the celery to the pan, reduce the heat slightly and cook until celery is tender. Add the garlic and push around the pan for 30 seconds or so. Add the stewed tomatoes and red bell pepper and the red pepper flakes and let simmer while the rice cooks. When the rice is done, add it to the pot and stir well to combine. Add the chicken broth and stir again. Bring back up to a simmer. Add the shrimp and cover the pot. Let shrimp cook for about 2 minutes. Stir again, correct seasoning and serve with crusty bread.
This is the exact email I received today, with just the names starred out to protect me from further familial harassment:
Good morning,
I spoke with **** last evening and she mentioned that she has been receiving daily texts from *** checking on how she is doing. She did not mention hearing from you and I didn't ask if she heard from you.
Did you not contact her?
Please don't be judgmental.
Just give her a little support.
You don't even have to call her, just send a text.
It breaks my heart to know that when we are gone it will be the end of the family for sure.
I guess we were really lousy parents to have children that can't keep in touch with one another no matter what they are going through.
The what that they are going through is a boob job and a tummy tuck.
Every time we start something new we look for role models in popular culture. We’ve spent plenty of time arguing over who is the Mary and who is the Rhoda; not once have we had a tiff over which one of us is the Toni Morrison and which is the Georgia O’Keefe.
So when we both went back to work last year all we could do was sing the terrible jingle from that 1980s Enjoli perfume commercial, the one where the woman in the brown suit belts out a jingle about bringing home the bacon and frying it up in a pan and never letting him forget he’s a man.
Pathetic, yes, but that jingle is our theme song and it is so corny and yet so catchy that we sincerely apologize if it winds up running through your head for the next week and a half. It’s perfect for a couple of women who are trying to get to work on time with two matching shoes, a reasonably wrinkle-free outfit and some confidence that our houses are not in a state that would trigger an anonymous call to youth services if someone happened to stop by.
We spent too many years and too many brain cells at home raising children and technology has almost passed us by. Back when that commercial was in heavy rotation on all three of the television networks Spam was a Monty Python sketch, on line was how you waited for the next bank teller and no one expected us to be able to insert a pivot table into our spreadsheets. We long for the days of landlines and one telephone number per family.
Not to sound like Andy Rooney here but all of these gadgets that are supposed to make things easier have only made life more complicated. When we fill out emergency contact forms we not only need to remember home/work/cell numbers for us and our husbands, we need them for the three alternative adults who might be cajoled into getting our kids when we forget to drive the carpool. And wouldn’t it be nice if cell phones had caller id so you’d know who some of those cryptic texts were coming from? “What R U wearing?” takes on one meaning if it’s from a friend from the office wondering about an evening work event and a whole different one if it’s from a brother in law who is just curious on a Tuesday morning.
Despite our failings we say, bring it on! We know how to monitor what our kids are posting on Facebook, we are figuring out how to sync our smart phones with our netbooks and best of all, we’ve developed a matrix to get dinner on the table using only the ingredients we have on hand. It’s a nifty device if we do say so ourselves. Maybe not as nifty as an iPad, but much more affordable and probably more useful too. There are no wrong answers here, feel free to substitute ingredients at will—if the only “protein” you’ve got in the house is hot dogs, so be it. Jazz them up with some of the extras on our list, serve them hot and spend 15 minutes having an actual face to face conversation with your family. And when the little darlings push their peas onto their forks with their thumbs, just be glad those digits are being used for something other than texting.
It’s called the Mealtime Matrix and here’s how it works: simply choose one from each category, add in some of the extras and you’ll have a great dinner in the oven in 20 minutes and on the table in 45.
Mealtime Matrix: Guidelines: Each pound of protein, when paired with two cups of cooked starch plus two cups of vegetables will serve 4 people. Have as many to feed as the Fru Gals? Double the amounts.
OK dear readers, we weren't lying. We really are on the brink of being technological dinosaurs. We don't need to have an IBM Selectric on our desks but sheesh....Suz is at work and can't figure out how to get the Matrix to show up here. She's working hard on converting a pdf to a jpeg so she can jam it in but she is at work and is afraid to download any software onto the Brewery computers. Until she gets home and can work freely on her virus riddled laptop, please visit The Concord Monitor to see the fabulous Matrix. Le fricken sigh.
Pantry extras to have on hand: canned or jarred olives--black and green apricot jam and/or orange marmalade taco sauce beans--black, kidney, cannellini, butter green chilies chipotle peppers Worcestershire Sauce Dijon mustard
Refrigerator extras to have on hand:
refrigerated biscuits and/or crescent rolls lettuce tomatoes green onions parsley
If you’ve got a couple pounds of ground beef, whip up a nice Mexican Casserole that can be served over tortilla chips or folded into flour tortillas. Robin loves it because it’s a good as a taco but with far fewer little bowls to wash.
Ingredients from the Matrix: to serve 6ish Protein: 2 pounds ground beef Starch: bread: flour tortillas or tortilla chips Vegetable: 1 15 ounce can petite diced tomatoes, not drained Cheese: 16 ounces shredded cheddar or Mexican mix Seasoning: 2 packages taco seasoning mix Extras: 1 15 ounce can black beans, rinsed and drained 1 small can green chilies chopped 1 cup lettuce chopped 2 green onions, chopped 1 can black olives 1 bottle of taco sauce
Directions: Brown the ground beef and drain well. Add the beans, green chilies, taco seasoning mix and tomatoes and cook for another minute or two. Spread the mixture into a large baking dish, cover with cheese and cook at 350 degrees for 20 minutes until hot and bubbly. Top with the taco sauce, lettuce, green onions and black olives. Serve on a plate to be scooped up with tortilla chips or folded into soft flour tortillas.
If you’ve got some chicken thighs on hand consider this dish:
Sweet and Spicy Chicken Curry to serve 6ish Ingredients from the Matrix: Protein: 2 pounds boneless, skinless chicken thighs Starch: 2 cups uncooked rice Vegetable: 2 medium onions, chopped Liquid: 2 cans chicken broth Seasoning: 2 teaspoons curry powder, or more or less to taste Extras: ½ teaspoon salt 1 cup apricot jam or orange marmalade 2 cloves garlic, minced
Directions: Saute the chopped onion in a few tablespoons of oil until limp and glossy. Add the curry powder and stir until fragrant. Place the cooked onions in a large baking dish and add the rice, broth and water. Stir to combine. Nestle the chicken thighs into the rice. Mix together the garlic and the jam or marmalade together in a small bowl. Use a spatula to smear some of the marmalade mixture onto each of the chicken thighs. Bake, covered for 45 minutes at 350 degrees until rice and chicken are cooked through. Remove the foil for a few minutes at the end to turn the jam into a nicely caramelized glaze.
Left over chicken on hand? Make this easy pasta dish:
Italian Chicken and Pasta To serve 6ish Ingredients from The Matrix: Protein: 1 pound boneless breasts simmered until cooked through and chunked Starch: 1 pound thin spaghetti Vegetable: 1 can diced tomatoes, undrained Seasoning: 1 teaspoon Italian seasoning, plus salt and pepper to taste Cheese: ½ cup Parmesan cheese Extras: A couple handfuls of shredded mozzarella would hearty this right up.
Directions: Cook the pasta according to the package directions. Meanwhile combine the chicken, tomatoes and Italian seasoning in a large bowl. When the pasta is done, drain well and add to the chicken mixture. Toss to combine, add salt and pepper to taste and top with the Parmesan.
Beef chuck for stew in the freezer? Thaw it out and throw together a quick beef stew. The key to keeping this quick is the cut the chunks of beef into smaller pieces of no more than one inch in size—most packaged stew meat can be cut in half twice to make it bite sized and quick cooking.
Easy Beef Stew to serve 6ish Ingredients from the Matrix: Protein: 1.5 pounds chuck, cut into 1 inch pieces Starch: 4 smallish potatoes, cut into 1 inch pieces Vegetables: half of a pound bag of frozen peas and carrots Liquid: 1 bottle red wine or 4 cups beef broth or some of each Seasoning: 3 cloves minced garlic, 1 bay leaf, Kosher salt and pepper to taste Extras: half of a pound bag of frozen pearl onions, fresh minced parsley
Directions: Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Season the meat with salt and fresh ground pepper to taste. Brown the beef in a few tablespoons of olive oil in a large, covered flameproof casserole. Add the garlic and the wine or broth and bring to a boil. Cover the casserole and place in the preheated oven. After 45 minutes add the potatoes, cover and return to the oven for another 20 minutes. Add the peas and carrots and pearl onions if using and return to the oven for 6-7 minutes, just until the vegetables are hot. Add a handful of chopped parsley if you’ve got it.
Check back here for more Matrix recipes tomorrow and Friday!
Here's a blast from the past...a thick and satisfying soup that is incredibly easy and delicious and you won't even mind the hand cramp you get from opening so many cans.
We make it for dinner all fall, but love it especially for ski race tailgates.
So warming and so perfect with a cold can of beer.
Petey loves to make a giant triple batch and then reheat it over a Coleman stove. Of course he does--I'm the one winds up soaking-scraping-soaking-scraping the bottom of the pot.
The recipe comes from a 1970s Better Homes and Gardens cookbook, slightly updated to add more flavor.
Hearty Hodge-Podge
Makes at least 15 servings
1 pound sweet or hot Italian sausage 6 stalks of celery, diced 5 cloves of garlic, minced 1/4 cup dried oregano (yes that says 1/4 cup) 5 cans minestrone soup (plus water if condensed) 1 large can regular flavor baked beans 1 can petite diced tomatoes Fresh ground pepper to taste Grated Parmesan for serving
Remove the sausage from the casings and brown in a large covered soup pot or dutch oven, crumbling as you go. Drain most of the fat from the pan and add the celery. Saute until glossy and tender and add the garlic and oregano. Cook for another minute or so, continuing to work on breaking down the bigger clumps of sausage. Dump in the cans of soup/beans/tomatoes and bring to a simmer.
Let simmer gently for 15 minutes to blend the flavors. Serve with fresh Parmesan and lots of fresh ground black pepper.
Look, I am just as big a fan of Downtown Concord's efforts to spruce things up as the next person.
I love shopping on Main Street.
I hate the empty store fronts.
I love the giant whiskey barrels filled with flowers.
I think the banners that are sponsored by local businesses are cheery and fun.
But these scarecrows?
Every time I turn the corner and see them trussed and lopsided I can't help but think it looks like we rounded up the opposition and have hung them from the light posts.
Didn't anyone on this committee see Black Hawk Down?
Or see the graphic pictures that ran in the New York Times in 2004 after those contractors were killed?
The ones up high are the worst, but the ones lower aren't much better....
And the ones at street level?
The hell were they thinking?
Can't we just have twinkle lights like every other downtown in the rest of America?
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